Kenya Talks

Where else can I share such ridiculous stories.....

This one is from High School (Tahidi Hi).

So I was a major nerd in HS (if you don't know what that is, that is basically someone who plasters a book in front of their face 24-7). I read any and everywhere, even in the dining hall I had notes on my lap to read while chewing . I read during prayers on Sunday while they were preaching . At night when I went to sleep I took a torch underneatht he blankets to fall asleep reading and also to get an advantage of people thinking you are asleep hehehe! As a result I was very socially awckward. I rarely attended any social events in the school unless it was compulsory, and since we were a girl's school you can imagine my skills with the boyz . ZERO.

So anyways we had one compulsory event that I had to attend with my house, a social event involving boys from another school. Here we would learn basic skills eg how to talk to boy sin a safe setting....to me this was a waste of time. I wish I had carried my notes but I don't think I could have gotten away with it this time..... To my surprise I got paired up with one of the "cool guys" from the school which was even more superawckward coz that meant I had to try extra hard to be cool .

So this is where the nightmare began, this was the day that they were going to pick a "Miss House" and one of the boys from the school was going to do the picking. Hollay guacamollay, they chose a rubble to do it. The rubble had to scan through the entire seating of the girls and pick the "fairest of them all". Naturally I had nothing to worry about so I just enjoyed my time with my date pretending to be socialite....this didn't last very long because I noticed that the rubble was fixated on me. Hollay lordy! NO FREAKIN WAY!! I was saying to myself (in fact I even told the guy I was with)...if this rubble picks me im gonna pass out .

My worst nightmare became true when the ignorant rubble picked me to be "Miss House" a title that every chick in the room wanted to have. More so I felt bad for the other girls who could have used the title because for me it meant nothing. Not to mention I could feel it in the room that every chick in the room wanted to kill me in my sleep .

Thankfully being the nerd that I am as soon as we walked out of the hall I completely forgot about the incident because my notes were calling hehehe!!

Taken from Nerd Notes.
Lyudmilla.

You seem to be having some very nice stories "hidden." Kumbuka kuna ile ya 5 years bado nangoja

Ludy you seem really sweet! I was popular in school.

Church camp Y6: All the girls had a crush on Mr Popular, he was cute and modelled. At midnight when veri was fast asleep and the girls were up gossiping, apparently Mr Popular decided to pay me a visit. I was asleep and the girls were squealing with delight but they got caught by the pastor. So they had to do 50 squats around the oval that night as punishment. Next morning we have open prayer meeting with hundreds of kids. Mr Popular's friend gets the mic and declares Mr Popular loves me. Mr Popular makes his way towards me like he's about to kiss me.. what do you think happened next?

Boyboy wrote::lol:

You seem to be having some very nice stories "hidden." Kumbuka kuna ile ya 5 years bado nangoja

Hehehe, you won't believe some of my stories. They are ludicrous to say the least...that one for 5 years old I have to check with FBI website first before I say anything else. I hear a child under 16 can be arrested for posting child porno as well even if its their own.

veritas wrote:Ludy you seem really sweet! I was popular in school.

Church camp Y6: All the girls had a crush on Mr Popular, he was cute and modelled. At midnight when veri was fast asleep and the girls were up gossiping, apparently Mr Popular decided to pay me a visit. I was asleep and the girls were squealing with delight but they got caught by the pastor. So they had to do 50 squats around the oval that night as punishment. Next morning we have open prayer meeting with hundreds of kids. Mr Popular's friend gets the mic and declares Mr Popular loves me. Mr Popular makes his way towards me like he's about to kiss me.. what do you think happened next?

He kissed you silly and you lived happily ever after . Did you attend HS in Kenya?

Clubbin dramma.

So it seems that every time I have returned home and tried to go to a club there always ends up being some kind of dramma/fight that I have nothing to do with!

This one happened in one of the upcountry towns where my famo (younger cuzzos and siblings) had gone out to party. So as you can tell we were the *spotlight hehehe, with me, mwa, being the icing on the cake . Everyone wanted to shake our hand, the DJ was dedicating song after song to us . This apparently really pissed off the local shiners so they hatched a plan....

First one of the shiners came and asked me to dance. Since he was a looker (tall and masculine) halooooooo, who cares about beef. WIthin a short period I was lost in his embrace dancing to the blues . Little did I know that this was a very clever strategy on their part. The second shiner sent his chick to dance with one of my bros (so that they could start dramma). Before we know it haiya...dramma time. Now here I am confused, this jamaa is trying to pull me out of the club ati we go , the bouncers are trying to settle some beef, it was a mess. The maasai guards came into the club with their bows and arrows threatening to shoot folk with poisoned arrow bwana! I have never been so scared in my life. Then sijui I got lost kidogo some chicks were waiting for me at the entrance ati I was dancing with their dude...they wanted to break a beer bottle on my pretty head! My natural sense told me to trick them ati I have to go to the bathroom first they wait for me.... The retarded chicks bought that.

Somewhow we ended up all making a getaway in one piece!! Talk about dramma.

The day I almost got married off into the Abasha clan


When I turned 18 my whole family was in shaggs for Dec hols. I have a cousin who is married in a very remote part of Kenya, when I say pre-civilization that is an understatement. I'll tell you about that later but first things first....

So while we were here enjoying the hols in the village home my dad got a message from my cousin that he should pay her a visit before he returns to the city. Yaani if you see my dad scared to go somewhere there is a catch hehehe! He came up with a brilliant idea, my sister, myself and another pal neighbor of ours (we are like family there in the village even with neighbors we are all related) we would be the ones to go on his behalf! We accepted this because it would mean we would get extra money, my dad was very generous when it came to money.

So okay lets talk about this place again, we were going to go by public transportation to this very very remote village. Apparently there is only one mat per day that goes there and you don't know wether it will come at 8am or at 2 pm so you have to stand there at the road by 6am and it could arrive anytime from 6 am to 6pm. If you think this was the most challenging part of the trip hehehehe......

So we got dressed (and I made the unfortunate mistake of getting dressed in jeans TROUSER my friends, TROUSER) and got on the road by 6 am. Mark you I never thought anywhere else in the country is more remote than my shaggs but I swear after this my shaggs looked like a world capital city....

TO BE CONTINUED>...

Lyudmila wrote:The day I almost got married off into the Abasha clan


When I turned 18 my whole family was in shaggs for Dec hols. I have a cousin who is married in a very remote part of Kenya, when I say pre-civilization that is an understatement. I'll tell you about that later but first things first....

So while we were here enjoying the hols in the village home my dad got a message from my cousin that he should pay her a visit before he returns to the city. Yaani if you see my dad scared to go somewhere there is a catch hehehe! He came up with a brilliant idea, my sister, myself and another pal neighbor of ours (we are like family there in the village even with neighbors we are all related) we would be the ones to go on his behalf! We accepted this because it would mean we would get extra money, my dad was very generous when it came to money.

So okay lets talk about this place again, we were going to go by public transportation to this very very remote village. Apparently there is only one mat per day that goes there and you don't know wether it will come at 8am or at 2 pm so you have to stand there at the road by 6am and it could arrive anytime from 6 am to 6pm. If you think this was the most challenging part of the trip hehehehe......

So we got dressed (and I made the unfortunate mistake of getting dressed in jeans TROUSER my friends, TROUSER) and got on the road by 6 am. Mark you I never thought anywhere else in the country is more remote than my shaggs but I swear after this my shaggs looked like a world capital city....

TO BE CONTINUED>...

You should have been married you off at 18 you know why . Anyway on a serious note, i think girls should get married early; if the parent or the husband to be can afford it. I wouldn't mind marrying off my daughter at 18, so long she is mature enough and the guy is good...

Ebu endelea na story..

Boyboy wrote:

Lyudmila wrote:The day I almost got married off into the Abasha clan


When I turned 18 my whole family was in shaggs for Dec hols. I have a cousin who is married in a very remote part of Kenya, when I say pre-civilization that is an understatement. I'll tell you about that later but first things first....

So while we were here enjoying the hols in the village home my dad got a message from my cousin that he should pay her a visit before he returns to the city. Yaani if you see my dad scared to go somewhere there is a catch hehehe! He came up with a brilliant idea, my sister, myself and another pal neighbor of ours (we are like family there in the village even with neighbors we are all related) we would be the ones to go on his behalf! We accepted this because it would mean we would get extra money, my dad was very generous when it came to money.

So okay lets talk about this place again, we were going to go by public transportation to this very very remote village. Apparently there is only one mat per day that goes there and you don't know wether it will come at 8am or at 2 pm so you have to stand there at the road by 6am and it could arrive anytime from 6 am to 6pm. If you think this was the most challenging part of the trip hehehehe......

So we got dressed (and I made the unfortunate mistake of getting dressed in jeans TROUSER my friends, TROUSER) and got on the road by 6 am. Mark you I never thought anywhere else in the country is more remote than my shaggs but I swear after this my shaggs looked like a world capital city....

TO BE CONTINUED>...

You should have been married you off at 18 you know why . Anyway on a serious note, i think girls should get married early; if the parent or the husband to be can afford it. I wouldn't mind marrying off my daughter at 18, so long she is mature enough and the guy is good...

Ebu endelea na story..

Boyboy heel no, no way hehehe. If I have a daughter she will get married after 30! By 30 you have a pretty good idea of what you are about and are more likely to make a better pick (although also the picking is pretty slim).

Hebu wacha I continue...

...so here we are at 6 am by the road, on NEW YEARS DAY, I don't even think we ate breakfast that morning. Our eyes are on the road waiting for that ONE matatu, 7 am, 8am, 9am 10am.......at 11 am some women who lived in a compound next to the road invited us to a new years brunch with their family they were having it outside. Since they were right next to the road that was okay because if the mat was coming we would here it from a mile away and run to the road in time to catch it . That was a great decision on our part because that was the best food we were going to have in 2 days.

The brunch was awesome, chapatis, chicken, roasted meat, sweet potatos, yams, buttered bread, roasted maize(they were well-to-do hehehe), we ate to our fill interrupted every so often by the pack of fierce dogs that they keep in the compound. Bageezus! Anyways by 1 pm we were back on waiting mode...

Finally 2pm the mat arrives, FULL TO THE BRIM! I could not believe my eyes. I swear I wanted to die, but we had no option of going back home and disappointing my dad. No way, so we did what was suggested. We had to hang on outside to whatever we could hold! I had never done the makanga thing but hey, there is always a first time. As for our luggage, you don't even worry where those go as long as its somewhere on the mat. I had one tiny piece of leg on a bar at the bottom and one hand hanging to a bar at the top and thankfully there was a jamaa hanging similarly behind me so I could lean on him . He seemed to enjoy this saana I wondered if he wasnt getting tired. The hardest part about hanging on like this is that the moti had to drive through a game reserve with hyenas and other wild cats, deer and other dangerous wild creatures roaming around so who knows what would happen. To my shock one of the makangas casually told us that we are going to drive through the game reserve so "anythign could happen" . This is the part I switched my brain to *numb position...

Boyboy you gonna have to be patient, its a long story .

..Fortunately we went through the game reserve with no incident, it was a 30 minute cross time. To my surprise THIS WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PART OF THE TRIP! The landscape was so picturesque, amazing foliage, acacia trees, hills and valleys. We did not spot a hyena (probably because it was daytime) but we did see lots of game eating amongst the trees and shrubs, it almost felt romantic even.

After we crossed the game part, more and more people alighted from the mat and space was open inside but I chose to stay outside . My arms were sore and numb but I am no acrobat, standing position is the best. Plus the guys had the most hilarious stories and I was having a ball litsening to their tales, they seemed to know any and everything happening within a radius of 200 miles/km. After an even longer period there was now space such that we could sit inside the mat without being put into weird yoga positions.....

Lyudmila wrote:
Boyboy heel no, no way hehehe. If I have a daughter she will get married after 30! By 30 you have a pretty good idea of what you are about and are more likely to make a better pick (although also the picking is pretty slim).

Hebu wacha I continue...

I came to the 18-year conclusion after i realized that a number chics are "ladies" when they are like 18/19. Btwn 18-28, something really happens that changes a good number from angels to witches. After a series of unfortunate events that include Stupid decisions, heartbreaks, premarital sex, early pregnancies, abortions, drunkenness and all kinds of filth, all "men" become "pigs," and everything goes downhill from here. i know of 18-year olds that are more mature than 30 year olds. the most important thing is that a society must train its children to be good husbands/wife, good mothers/fathers. unfortunately, our education in primo is filled with so much irrelevant stuff.

Anyway, you made my night

Lyudmila wrote:..Fortunately we went through the game reserve with no incident, it was a 30 minute cross time. To my surprise THIS WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PART OF THE TRIP! The landscape was so picturesque, amazing foliage, acacia trees, hills and valleys. We did not spot a hyena (probably because it was daytime) but we did see lots of game eating amongst the trees and shrubs, it almost felt romantic even.

After we crossed the game part, more and more people alighted from the mat and space was open inside but I chose to stay outside . My arms were sore and numb but I am no acrobat, standing position is the best. Plus the guys had the most hilarious stories and I was having a ball litsening to their tales, they seemed to know any and everything happening within a radius of 200 miles/km. After an even longer period there was now space such that we could sit inside the mat without being put into weird yoga positions.....

Which area is this? Generally..

Lyudmila wrote:Boyboy you gonna have to be patient, its a long story .

I can always wait; at least i've had something 4 tonight

Boyboy wrote:

Lyudmila wrote:
Boyboy heel no, no way hehehe. If I have a daughter she will get married after 30! By 30 you have a pretty good idea of what you are about and are more likely to make a better pick (although also the picking is pretty slim).

Hebu wacha I continue...

I came to the 18-year conclusion after i realized that a number chics are "ladies" when they are like 18/19. Btwn 18-28, something really happens that changes a good number from angels to witches. After a series of unfortunate events that include Stupid decisions, heartbreaks, premarital sex, early pregnancies, abortions, drunkenness and all kinds of filth, all "men" become "pigs," and everything goes downhill from here. i know of 18-year olds that are more mature than 30 year olds. the most important thing is that a society must train its children to be good husbands/wife, good mothers/fathers. unfortunately, our education in primo is filled with so much irrelevant stuff.

Anyway, you made my night

You might have a point lakini. I have a hard time on seeing anything good in any man at my age , im a skeptic kabisa. But then again at 18, the kind of guy I would have picked, not husband material either.....damned if you do damned if you don't. Hebu have a goodnite Im done posting for today, the more I approach that village I get a mental block hehehe, that was an experience of a lifetime. Ill tell you about that area another time since you are not the one to be bringing goats to my village . Have a lovely night and be easy on the 18 YOs. They just babies.